Iphone jerk off

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Is the handjob your grandfather's handjob? Chili Spiced mango is one of those things you have to try more than once. I want you to put on your 3D glasses, hop on your hoverboard, and start eating astronaut ice cream, because the future of tugging on your tuber is now. After thorough consideration, weighing all pros and cons, I have to conclude that traditional, you-and-your-dirty-kielbasa-claw masturbation is still the best form. Give it a try. The existential sadness of anyone claiming that a disembodied rubber vag-sleeve is better than having sex with another person is something no Cracked columnist can dare take on without some serious alcohol to fuel the poetic ennui that will follow. I'm in my first relationship with a girl, a virgin, and to be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing on a sexual level, and I have a relatively low sex drive anyway.

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When you're drunk at 2 a. Then one day I came across a picture of the same spots, explaining they were sebaceous glands. You just have to be comfortable with a Donkey Kong-esque barrel on your junk. This is a lot like regular masturbation, only the smell is much more off-putting. How can I rub my chub in a way that is more exotic and satisfying than using my hand, but will not leave a slime trail of salmonella bacteria on my sack? I feel like any decision to do with permanently changing, cutting the body in any way should at least be made with the consent of the person who will be having their body altered.

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3 thoughts on “Iphone jerk off

  1. that's why i said american and not native american, you utter fucking moron. there's an entire racial category devoted to distinguishing the two. someone didn't graduate high school. educate yourself. low iqer.

  2. I love this sexy bitch so much. Especially barefoot and butt naked. Thick juicy thighs sexy toes. I wouldn't pull out. I'd fill her up daily. Love those deep stretch marks and cellulite.,